Of Craziness, Flowers, and DSL's
by Bewilderment
Summary: The plot can't be summarized well. Lily and James are brought together by a trick of an adversary...or are they? It's a vicious rumorwar, and Lily and James struggle to come out on top. Will they? R&R!
1. In Which We Discover Sonya

**Of Lies, Flowers, and DSL's**

**_Bewilderment_**

**Disclaimer: own no songs mentioned, own no harry potter characters. Own some OCs but thats it.**

**A/N: sorry if this seems modern. but it's gonna be okay. oh and sorry if it'sa little confusing.On your way out, click the button to review! **

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* * *

_

_Smile, Lily, smile_, thought Lily Evans to herself when she went down to breakfast that morning. _I'm sure no one will be bold enough to ask what's going on with the dancing—_

"Lily! What happened last night, huh? What was that whole pole thing about?" A high shrill voice spewed these words very fast and very excitedly. Lily groaned inwardly.

"Look, Lola, you were there. You saw what happened. Form your opinion on that," Lily snapped, looking down at the younger girl with disdain.

"But…" said Lola Creevey, looking slightly put out, "…you told us that most everything isn't what it seems. You also said that there was most likely a story behind everything. And it did seem unlike you to give a lap dance to Potter even though I'm sure he liked it—"

"LOLA!" An exasperated Lily tried to maintain composure. "I can't deal with this now, okay?"

"Well, I'd guess you'd have a hangover after all the serious partying and all, you know, and then what with that embarrassing incident in the corner, you know—" Lola was cut off once again, but this time Lily didn't seem angry or frustrated, merely curious with an ugly thought lurking in the back of her mind. It was as if she didn't want to hear what she suspected.

"What 'embarrassing incident'?" asked Lily warily.

Lola was only too glad to talk. "It was with Potter again. I mean, Sonya said that you both really liked each other and all but I'd never much seen you guys talk to each other. And I mean, even last night wasn't much…talking." Lola chuckled uneasily.

After this hint, Lily was even more hesitant to hear what she'd supposedly done. "Lola," she said warningly. "Continue."

Lola looked over her shoulder at her friend Sonya, who was nodding encouragingly. Lily didn't trust Sonya at all and suspected that Lola was a pawn for her schemes. Lola was entirely too trusting, and her obvious admiration of Lily looked as if it was a constant annoyance to Sonya. "I-I…I got t-t-to go," stuttered Lola, and dashed away, ignoring all Lily's calls.

After this incident, Sonya walked smoothly and confidently up to the stunned redhead. "Look, honey." Sonya shifted her weight onto one foot and looked to see if any wizards were looking at her tight robes. "I know that you're not a virgin—"

"Who said I'm not?" demanded Lily indignantly, choosing at the moment to overlook the fact that she wasn't.

"Honey, it's obvious. And between you and me, I heard you weren't very good."

"What!" sputtered Lily, totally dumbfounded.

"Gosh, Lily, don't look so clueless. And yet they say you're not the ditsy one." Sonya looked fluently and significantly over at Melanie.

Lily looked around to get her bearings, and seemed to find some self-possession in the faces of her fellow Gryffindors. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Sonya so levelly that the latter girl looked daunted for a second. "Get to the point," she spat.

"Hey!" exclaimed Sonya, clearly offended. "Shut those DSL's and show some respect."

"Respect? For what? And what do you mean by DSL?" Lily was incensed.

"Stop with the questions." Sonya was clearly enjoying herself and taking her own sweet time.

"Get to the point," Lily insisted again.

"I guess you don't remember anything from last night, do you? Maybe that trip to the corner where everyone could see was a little much for your memory."

Lily narrowed her eyes at Sonya. "Fine, if you're so sure, what the hell did I do?"

"Gosh," said Sonya with disgust. "You really don't remember, do you? Must've been those tequila shots, hmm?" Lily looked murderous. "Well," continued Sonya a little hastily, "You blew James Potter while he was on that blue chair in the corner of the common room last night. The least you could have done was kept such pornographic sights away from the first years," said Sonya virtuously.

"Shut up, Krutowsky," Lily hissed. She turned on her heel and strode away, ignoring the laughter of her classmate and fellow-(traitor)Gryffindor Sonya and her Slytherin friend Nancy.

"Melanie!" blurted Lily. "You'll never guess what Sonya just said to me!" Lily looked at her blue-eyed friend in the eye; they were both seated at the Gryffindor table. If Lily glanced up and slightly to the left, she could still see Sonya glaring at her.

"I have some idea," muttered Melanie a little incoherently.

"What?"

Melanie shook her head and sighed. "What did she say?" said Mel patiently.

"She went into this whole thing about what I did in the common room last night after we took all those tequila shots! And I didn't think I was so plastered as to not remember a single thing of what she was talking about." All the same, Lily could feel a nagging doubt in her mind, for last night's events were fuzzy in her mind. She turned to Melanie. "Do you remember any of that?"

Melanie shrugged. "Not really. We got split up but there was a lot of people crowded around you and James for awhile. Everyone says you gave him head and that they saw everything."

"Well, Sonya was saying something about DSL's and stuff but I don't know what she meant by that."

The tolerant Melanie shrugged again.

"I got it!" exclaimed Lily. "It means….oh. It means…"

"Yeah." Morgan then said what Lily was too ashamed to say herself. "Dick-sucking lips."

_Jeez!_ thought Lily to herself. _This morning I thought that people would just be crazy because of a little dancing I did_.

All the same, many girls' conversations were buzzing with the antics of Lily Evans.

* * *

"Evans! Please keep your eyes forward. If I have to warn you again, you'll be out of this classroom. Do I make myself clear?" Professor McGonagall stared Lily in the eye. She looked back guiltily and swallowed. 

"Yes, Professor."

For the fiftieth time that morning, a wad of crumpled parchment exploded against her head. Lily bit her lip, hard, and tried to exercise every ounce of self-control not to turn around and chew the back row out. It was for this that she was in trouble, and she contented herself with throwing a murderous glare over her shoulder.

"Evans!"

Damn it.

"Out! Out this minute!"

"But, Professor, I was being—"

"If you disturb my class one more time I'll turn you into a bowl of cream!"

Lily stared at her livid teacher in fascination. All the yelling had driven her hair away from its normally tight position, perched atop her head, and drops of spittle showed themselves at the corner of her mouth. Another harsher glance, and Lily took her cue. She scurried out of the room swiftly and shut the door behind her.

Outside, she held leaned her back against the wall and set her bag of books on the ground next to her. Now what was she supposed to do?

* * *

An hour later found Lily in her the common room, surrounded by discarded books and a consoling Katie. They were sitting next to a window, and Lily could see people giving her pointed glimpses, their eyes traveling from the blue chair in the corner to herself. 

"Well, I'm sure no one remembers your otherwise memorable dance around the pole," joked Katie, trying to make her red-haired friend feel better.

"Shut it, Katie," snapped Lily, who was getting more than a little fed up with one more meaningful glance. Katie turned her head with a slightly hurt expression, and Lily suddenly felt ungrateful.

"Oh, Katie, I didn't mean to," she gushed. "I don't even remember what happened last night. What were we drinking? I remember dancing around that pole but that's just about it. Well, and that I kissed Andrew once."

Katie patted Lily on the head. "I think we were playing 'Never Have I Ever', and I'm pretty sure it was tequila. Sonya was the one who was pouring every one drinks, and I doubt that many other Gryffindors remember much of what happened. We were all wasted beyond common sense."

"Shit, Katie! I don't even like tequila. And last night…it's just like a haze, man. This sucks."

"Remember that part earlier?"

"Remember? I can't remember anything!" retorted Lily.

Katie sighed impatiently. "No, not that. This was before you were drunk…in the hallway outside the portrait hole?"

Lily furled her brow and thought hard. "There was something with—with James, I remember. And. Oh gosh. I embarrassed myself so bad."

Katie nodded sympathetically as Lily stumbled on. "And he asked if…oh, I remember now. I feel like I should get stoned again. Why'd you make me remember that?"

Katie shook her head, brown curls swinging.

Lily gripped her own mass of hair in her hands. "I'm going to take a nap. I'm going—hell, I'm going to skip dinner and sleep through the night. I need to make up sleep. Badly."

"Okay. Should I save anything for you?"

"You're a doll, Katie. No, that's okay. Well, maybe just a roll. Yeah, that would be great."

Katie stood up silently, taking this all in. "Sleep tight, Lily. I hope you feel better in the morning."

Lily stood up as well, throwing out her arms in a stretch that nearly socked Katie's jaw. She yawned loudly, and Katie could see the very back molars in her mouth. Gross.

"Put that away!" she laughed as she flapped a hand towards Lily's face.

They both parted ways, grinning and exchanging closing remarks. After all, the sooner they tried to put this episode behind them, the better.

* * *

James groaned as the rest of the Marauders watched the retreating back of Sonya (swinging hips included), and leaned farther back on the couch in front of the fire. "I don't even remember that. I don't remember the…y'know…or anything. I remember talking to her, and like, puking afterwards, but I don't remember that!" 

Remus looked at the faces of his fellow Marauders, and Sirius looked back, his eyes wide and an expression one of total confusion. "How can you not remember a single thing of…that?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

James just put his head in his hands.

"I mean, I've been drunk and…done it…myself, but you always remember the…peak."

"Where did you get such a complicated word, Sirius?" laughed Remus. "I mean, peak. That's pretty high-tech."

Sirius scowled, and James chuckled for the first time since he'd had to deal with Sonya. "Come on, Sirius, we were just giggin' you."

Remus noticed that his friend still look sulky. "Seriously, Sirius," he said, which was guaranteed a laugh. Sure enough, Sirius' face cracked into a smile.

"Her friend, man. She's supposedly hot. Have you checked out that Katie girl?" asked Sirius, seemingly happy about this change of subject.

"Yeah. Legs the length of the Thames," said Peter. The other three looked at him, and he shut his mouth quickly.

"Maybe you should take her for a ride, Remus," said Sirius, who knew that his friend had crushed over her in the past. "But if you don't snap her up quick, I'll be taking her myself."

"Bug off," grunted Remus. He picked up the fuzzy pillow that had been behind his back and threw it, hard, at Sirius.

"Ooooh, sensitive, are we?" Sirius made his voice reach higher octaves as he lightly tossed the pillow at Remus. As an answer, Remus faked standing up, making Sirius leap up as well and begin to make a mad dash for the portrait hole. He stopped abruptly when he realized Remus had sat down again.

Peter laughed a little too forcedly, and the others stared at him. Remus dropped the pillow and looked disapprovingly at him, while Sirius turned around and just looked annoyed. Peter stopped laughing suddenly, his face instantly going seriously. You'd have thought he was at a funeral by that expression.

"Let's go to dinner," said James curtly.

* * *

Sonya grinned maliciously as she walked away from the Marauders, who were grouped around the fire. She was pretty sure they'd eaten her words, just as Lily and everyone else in the entire school had done. Suckers. She was always sure that she'd blown their minds with her saucy attitude and impeccable looks. 

They were probably wondering about the enigma that was she instead of the content of her words. Boys! She laughed softly to herself. They were so easy to manipulate. She could feel her personality shaping their impressionable minds, and how they were most likely thinking to themselves how amazing she was. If indeed they did think.

As she climbed the staircase to her dorm room, she bumped into Lola Creevey, quite literally. "Lola!" she snapped. "What the hell are you doing?"

Lola, who was a year younger than the 16-year-old Sonya, smiled nervously. "Hey, Sonya. How're you?"

Sonya looked at Lola in disgust. "Get away, you gross fifth year."

"But you liked me this morning!" exclaimed Lola in confusion and shock. "You said I was a good person!"

Sonya sighed, annoyed. "Look, get out of my way and I'll promise not to hurt you."

Lola finally got the message. With one last hangdog look cast in Sonya's direction, she scampered around the girl she'd bumped into, and down the stairs.

Sonya laughed and continued her journey to her dormitory to get her diet book, Horned Toads to Gasping Lizards: A Witch's Guide to Weight Loss. They didn't teach anything so useful as the art of keeping one's appearance beautiful through weight loss and makeup charms, which, Sonya reflected, some girls could really use.

This thought of beauty, as usual, brought her mind to Lily Evans. Why the hell did she get to be so perfect? Trashy, failing classes, and considered the easiest girl of the school, Sonya was just about the opposite of Lily. And secretly, Sonya wanted to be liked, smart, and beautiful. She wanted the respect that usually went hand-in-hand with these things. As it was, she relied on using others as pawns.

"Damn it," said Sonya aloud when she found herself at the door of her dorm room and found it locked. Muttering to herself, she unlocked the door with a charm and walked in. There, on Lily's bed, were dozens of lilies. They were piled high, and the room smelt strongly of the fragrant flowers. Sonya cursed, slammed the door behind her, and left without her diet book.

* * *

The Night Before 

"_So, what I mean is that you'd have to hit him pretty hard. I don't think that they can just get knocked out from the pain alone," Lily Evans, sixteen year-old youth in entirety, was saying._

"_But if there's a pressure point there—" started Lily's friend, Katie. _

"_Well, if there's a pressure point it's a whole different story. Pressure points'll make you go out like that." Lily snapped her fingers, the "pop" echoing in the stony Hogwarts' corridors. _

_Katie shrugged, and moved to change the conversation completely. "How about that James Potter? He's so amazing, and really good-looking," she said._

_Lily, pulled up short by this change, spoke the first thing that came to her mind. "I heard he was a jackass in the sack and that he's like, this long—" she held up her pinkie finger "—and I don't much like someone so incompetent." _

_James Potter was standing next to the portrait hole, whispering the password, when voices—steadily growing in volume—arrested his ears. _So I'm a jackass in the sack?_ He asked himself. _What does that even mean? _And, as if he saw Lily's pinkie finger (it was a common enough expression around that school), he thought:_ I am _much_ bigger than that.

_Turning around, he faced Lily and Katie as they turned the corner, both giggling at Lily's tirade. They froze when they saw it was the boy they'd been trashing behind his back, and stared at him, their eyes wide.  
_

_He raised his eyebrows. "What?"  
_

_They shook their heads, vehemently, hoping against hope that they could deny their way out of this. James spun round to crawl into the portrait hole, his muscular body folding in itself to fit. _

_"Gosh!" exclaimed Lily._

_Finishing her thought, Katie said, "It couldn't have gone any worse. One of the most popular and good-looking guys in the school! We're so stupid."_

"_I need to get wasted," Lily said. "That sucked so much."_

"_I could use a little forgetting myself," Katie remarked. _

_An hour later, there was a roaring party in the common room. Katie (who was Muggleborn) had had three bottles of tequila—she'd gotten them from her parent's liquor cabinet and was saving them for a good occasion in her trunk—she brought down. Someone else (probably the Marauders, who could find and buy alcohol, though underage, like no other) brought in some fire whiskey, and there were games of quarters and "Never Have I Ever" being played throughout the common room. _

_Sonya was manning the "Never Have I Ever" table, pouring tequila as liberally as if she'd had thirty bottles instead of three. When Lily and Katie (who'd really got this party off its butt and through the roof) came to play, she devised a plan. She was amidst masses of drunken people, and she doubted that many would remember the night in much detail._

_When two games of "Never Have I Ever" had been lost and won, Lily stood up. She was feeling a little woozy and unsure of herself, but music was playing and she couldn't resist its pull. In a clearing behind the big couch, there was a dancing and a pole in the middle. The next thing Lily knew, she was giving that pole the best time of its life._

_Half an hour later, Lily was crashed at the foot of a comfortably blue chair. James was rested in its depths, his legs swung over the armrest and his neck residing on a pillow. Lily's back and the top of her head were within his arm's reach, and they were talking and flirting with slurred voices and steamy hands._

"_I dunno, James, if you had three, I think they'd like it," said Lily loudly and unclearly. _

"_If I had three, I'd be a…a…a what?" James cut off his sentence, forgetting what he'd been saying._

"_Y'know what! You're drunk!" Lily giggled impossibly._

"_Well, if I'm drunk, then you're plastered out of your shitdamned mind!"_

_To an outsider, their voices were low and breathy, their words flat and strung together. Articulation was more of a handicap then than it ever was._

_They were laughing so much—all troubles left with their consciousness—that a few people drifted over to join in their tittering conversation. They started a game of Wills and Wiles (though mostly laughter, considering their altered state). _

_It was agreed upon that Lily was an amazing pole dancer. "You know who could be a stripper? Lily!" sniggered James._

_Lily laughed until she was gasping for air._

_At two, the party began dying. Lily and Katie went up to their dorms and fell asleep in their clothes. _

_When they woke up the next morning, they had hangovers the size of Ireland. Lily couldn't wake Katie enough to get her up and showered, so she was left asleep. Melanie was casting odd looks Lily's way in the morning, but then again, her bed was next to Sonya's. Lily and Katie had fallen asleep the second they'd sat down and Sandy hadn't gone to the party at all, while Sonya and some of the others (including Melanie) had come up later. _

* * *

The next day at dinner, a fight broke out among the girls over the lyrics of "Seasons Don't Fear The Reaper". Has Blue Oyster Cult ever been so misunderstood since? 

"No!" screamed Sonya as she pulled the hair of Melanie. Melanie lunged back at her, yelling something about Romeo and Juliet and their togetherness in eternity. "Duh!" said Sonya with some effort. "They don't fear the Reaper!"

"But it said…" Melanie grunted. "It said…_we _do fear it." Berta came up behind them and bashed both of their heads. What a lot of pent-up rage. Or hormones.

"You're _both_ wrong!" she said. "It's the singers who fear it."

The Marauders watched the whole thing. "Rrrower!" James made a pretty convincing cat noise.

Sirius strutted over to where their wands were forgotten, on the table. "Let's just make sure they don't rediscover these…." He laughed as he pocketed them.

Peter was watching the fight, eyes glistening. Remus got a good look of this exhibit of unhealthy obsession, and he caught James' eye, jerking his thumb at Peter. "This blows," said James as Sammy leaped on top of the writhing pile of girls. "Let's go."

"But, James," began Sirius. James tilted his head at Peter, and Sirius all at once understood. "Yeah," he said, changing his mind. "Let's go."

They left, leaving Peter to watch, entranced, only to jump a few minutes later as the ladies got in trouble. In a second he was off and running, looking for the ones he called his friends.

* * *

"Sonya! Melanie! Berta! Samantha! I cannot believe you'd go to such extremes in the Great Hall. At dinner, no less. I am horribly disappointed. You all have detention for the next month. No, don't try to say anything. There's no way you can get out of it." The stern professor scowled at the line of girls. 

"Off, with all of you!" she said.

"One day," muttered Sonya, "I'm going to get you in trouble for threatening the students."

"What's that, Ms. Krutowsky?" demanded McGonagall.

"Nothing!" Sonya pasted a fake smile on her face.

* * *

Needless to say, there was a big mess and a row of glowering teachers when Katie and Lily walked in half an hour later with flowers behind their ears, fashionably late for dinner.

* * *


	2. Razor Burn

Of Craziness, Flowers, and DSL's

**_Bewilderment_**

**Razor Burn**

**Disclaimer:** own nothing, written just for fun, not for profit, etc.

**A/N:** _I am so so so so so sorry that this is late. I wanted to get this update in before the birth of the HBP comes out. This'll be out there, you can read it, and I hope to continue it after the book comes out. Look out for more updates, then! Thanks so much to the reviewers. I swear, thanks. I had this chapter written for awhile but I thought it was crap, so I didn't update. Only, reading back on it, it doesn't look that horrible. But thanks, reviewers, and shout-outs will come later. Don't forget to review on your way out._

* * *

Lily dragged the razor up her calf. Sonya probably had some painless hair-removal technique in that spell-book of hers, but Lily had to content herself with the Muggle way of doing things. Yeah, she hated shaving. But what are you going to do?

When she dried herself and dressed in her robes, she made her way to the common room, her legs burning from the most annoying malady known to woman: razor burn. "Hey, Katie," she said, plopping down onto an overstuffed chair in front of the fire.

"Hey," said Katie a little absently.

"What's up?"

Katie turned to her abruptly and kept her voice down. "That little creep, Peter? He's been hitting on me like no body's business and it sucks."

"What did he do?" asked Lily, looking both weirded out and disgusted as she raised one eyebrow.

"He just walks over to me today during Divination, and he does that sweeping thing with eyes, you know? And he's looking over my body and he's like, 'Hey….' I swear, he's going to get in trouble for molestation or something."

"Ew," said Lily.

"Yeah, I know. We need to do something about his sorry butt."

"I'm thinking a good prank. You know, the other day James told me that he hates water."

Katie smirked. "Yeah, I can tell by the way he smells."

Lily grinned, a smile that stretched across her face. "I dunno—would you prefer Remus, Sirius, or Peter?"

"DEFINITELY not Peter!" gasped Katie.

"Alright…Sirius or Remus?"

"Sirius."

"Sirius or Jason?"

"awww….Jason," replied Katie, pretending to drool.

"Jason or Flitwick?" was the next ruthless question.

"Well, Flitwick would be cute if he was taller," said Katie.

"Ugh. Let's go get some dinner."

"I don't know, Lily. Maybe we'll see Flitwick on the way out."

"Shut up, Katie."

"I still can't believe you placed him up there with Jason."

"Katie, shut up."

* * *

James looked over at Remus and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Here she comes, mate. Now's the chance for you to make your move."

Remus squirmed uncomfortably as he saw what James was pointing out—Katie coming their way, accompanied by Lily. "Dude, it's not gonna happen. Just go for Lily and call it a day," he said.

"What, Lily? Are you kidding?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "If I remember it right, didn't she just blow you, oh, I don't know, less than 48 hours ago?"

"I couldn't even remember the 'peak', as Padfoot says. Why would I even consider asking her out? Besides, it's not like she'd ever say yes."

"Come on, Jamesie old boy. You know she'd do it."

"Sure, sure. Just the way she's said yes to any of the times I've asked her in the past."

Remus fell silent as Katie and Lily passed by, covering the air with the sweet perfume they wore. "You're still an hopeless old romantic," he announced once the two girls had passed out the portrait hole. "Didn't you leave her flowers?"

"…I was…just trying to do the respectable thing," stumbled James.

"And worse, wasn't it, like, three hundred flowers, all stuck on her bed? And didn't she and Katie wear them in their hair?"

"Shut up, Moony!" moaned James as he buried his head in a throw pillow.

Remus persisted. "And why are you being so determined about this all of a sudden? A week ago, you were still thinking about shagging that Berta chick. Talk about trash."

James fumbled for a good reason, trying to edge his way around the truth. "Well…uh…" He ruffled his hair with his hands, a silver ring on his fingers gleaming brightly. "Alright, alright," he said, ready to plunge into the truth. "It's because Lily doesn't really like me. At all."

"How do you know this?" asked Remus logically.

"Because I overheard a conversation between her and that friend of hers, Katie, and she was totally trashing me."

Remus's face softened at the mention of Katie. But his professional, psychologist personality was placed on again in a second. "You don't know that for sure. Perhaps," he said, trying to find the good in what James had last said. "Perhaps she…likes you so much that she has to hide it from Katie, and even herself."

Remus smiled a little to himself, hearing how good this sounded. James actually took heart from this spew of total bullshit, and began to smile a little himself. "Yeah," he stated slowly. "Maybe."

What James and Remus didn't know was that Moony was actually rather close to the truth in his advice—or he would be soon.

* * *

Lily and Katie hurried over to the kitchen, Lily pulling a Twinkie from her bag—Muggle food. Katie looked at the innocent snack food and scowled at it like it was contraband.

"Damn Twinkies," she muttered under her breath.

Lily happened to hear her, and slowed her walk considerably. "_What_ did you just say?" she gasped.

"Twinkies," said Katie defiantly. "They suck."

"B-But! They're made by Little Debbie! You _have_ to love them!"

"I'd like to kick Little Debbie in the balls for what she's done to my thighs. And let's be honest—we know she has them."

Lily stared at her, aghast. "Well…" she stammered at last. "If that's how you feel."

Then Katie burst out laughing as the full tilt of their ridiculousness hit them. The two chuckled all the way down the stairs, laughing even more as Lily tripped and nearly fell flat on her face on a changing stairwell.

When the two reached the kitchens, they walked inside to have the rich, warm scent of baking food hit their noses. Surprisingly, in both the chairs sat James and Sirius.

Lily took a step back. If the two had been shoving their faces with food, it probably would have gone hard with their popularity with the girls. Instead, they were in comfortable, pajama-like clothing that was actually clean, and not covered in food. To Lily's eyes, it was as if James Potter had suddenly become gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.

His coal-black hair fell over one of his eyes, and as she was looking at it, he ran his fingers through it again. The act brought his six-pack to her attention because the hem of his shirt lifted up ever so slightly. The sight of his muscles slammed into her, and his gorgeousness was startling.

She took another step back.

James laughed, showing off his white, straight teeth. "Come on, Lily," he said. "I don't bite."

Katie grinned as well; as Sirius struggled holding back the words to a comeback he was sure wouldn't go over well with Lily. About half of "I hope she didn't at the party!" came out of his mouth before he clamped his lips shut. Katie raised her eyebrow, looking over to Lily for an exchange of glances. She, however, was too absorbed in checking out James to notice.

"Well, James, is there a seat I can have, then?" she said, her voice soft and flirty.

"There's one right here," he said, motioning towards his lap.

It needn't be stated that Lily was the most surprised of all when she found herself comfortably perched on James, Katie standing awkwardly in the corner and Sirius and the house elves not quite sure what to do. Finally, a tea tray complete with pastries, slices of cake, and tea was set down on a table near James and Lily. Theoretically, I suppose Lily could have sat on the table, but she wasn't really thinking.

James had hid his shock well when he found Lily on his lap, and even more when she leaned into him and he found his hand had moved to her leg.

Any moment that had existed was shattered when Sirius leaned over them to get his share of food. Some crumbs of the cake fell onto Lily, and she stood up to dust herself off. Grabbing a handful of pastries and a slice of cake, she started heading for the door. "Katie, you ready to go?" she called over her shoulder.

"Wait, are you guys leaving already?" James hated how stupid he sounded in that one moment.

"Uh…yeah, James," Lily said, looking as if she'd have like to add "you dork" to what she'd stated.

The corners of Katie's mouth turned up in a mischievous smile as she finished Lily's statement. "Unless…you two would like to come with us," her voice oh-so-playful.

The four climbed out of the portrait hole, where they saw something they never thought they would.

Sonya. She was walking through the room, her hair in mad disarray. It was clear that under her cloak she wore nothing, but when she saw them, her eyes lit up. Retreating with as much dignity as possible, she tried to avoid eye contact with James or Sirius.

The next day, rumors spread about the school of how James, Sirius, Katie, and Lily had been performing some weird sex-rituals in a room locked by a portrait. This time, her rumors may have been in self-defense. But this time, Lily was going to fight back.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! In the next chapter, things are going to get...juicy. That is, if J.K. Rowling doesn't bust any of my plots open. Which hopefully, she won't. So I'll hope to finish this story...if I'm inspired. Please, please, please review!**

Sincerely,

**Bewilderment..._so aptly named_**


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